she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
