I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
