I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your penis caused this!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
