Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
