I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
