it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
