he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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