Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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