I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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