FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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