You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
