Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
