Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
