Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
