I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
