My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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