Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
