I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
