It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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