Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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