Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
