I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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