Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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