I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
