Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
