I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
