Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
