I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
