i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
