Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
