OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
