I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
