peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
