I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
