the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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