Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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