The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
