just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
