i already hear my dad disowning me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
