My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
