Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
