So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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