Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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