I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
