we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
