my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
