I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
