why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there was a trapeze. enough said
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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