I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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