Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
