Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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