You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
