Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
