Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
