If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
