The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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