So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
