If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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